Blog

Jan 18, 2024

The 7 Most Sturdy Bed Frames That Don't Squeak for Sex

Look, we all have our strengths. This is especially the case for (most)

Look, we all have our strengths. This is especially the case for (most) affordable bed frames, which are fine for sleeping and chilling, but can really suck once it's time to start humping someone or something with real fervor. Not to rag on your $99 metal bed frame—we’re proud of you for getting that mattress off the floor—but we also know it starts creaking and wheezing more than a septuagenarian Republican senator once the balls are out. You, and your partners, deserve better.

We want to find you a bed frame that doesn't break the mood (or the floorboards) while you attempt to reach new heights of sexual origami. We’ve searched our own hearts, and asked our most sexually acrobatic friends for their input; we’ve pored over reviews on best-selling bed frames from West Elm, Amazon, and Wayfair, and gotten elbow-deep in Reddit to see what folks are saying about the best sturdy bed frames for sex. According to one person in the r/BuyItForLife subreddit, "The most quiet frame is no frame at all. Mattress on the floor [...] Heard solid wood platform beds are quieter." Fair enough, but not very appealing for those of us trying to impress Mommy make our homes feel more adult. But they were certainly onto something with the wood bed frame mentality. As another commenter writes, "[You want to] go with a solid frame. My last two wood frames have been heavy and silent. My steel frames before that squeaked and jittered."

I couldn't agree more. A few years ago, I swapped my iron lung bed frame for a wood Japandi bed frame that gives me zero squeak, and, thus, no ick while getting railed. That being said, there's a whole smorgasbord of options for you, the horny and bed frame-rattled, to consider when shopping for the best cheap(ish), sturdy bed frames for sex; You can invest in a mid-century modern sled, a piece with slick Japanese joinery, or drill your MCM bed frame's headboard into the wall.

Let's slob on that bedknob, and find the swolest, most non-squeaky bed frames for sex, according to real reviewers.

The cool kid of bed frames is hands-down, ass-up this solid wood sled by Thuma. "That shit doesn't move," says Alexandra Polk, a lifestyle writer at Refinery29, "it doesn't get loose—you get loose." Folks from the above subreddit agree, with one writing, "My Thuma is super quiet, I love it!" The magic lies in the company's adoption of Japanese joinery, which means that the solid, repurposed wood frame requires no tools and results in an easy-breezy assembly that has earned it a five-star average rating from over 13,000 reviews on the site.

Another frequent tip in the aforementioned subreddit is to get a headboard. "[I] went with a solid wood bed frame, and bolted the headboard to the studs in the wall," writes one Redditor who really went the extra mile. We’ve long been simps for West Elm's hearty MCM furniture, and the brand's Acorn bed frame is a sturdy design flex that your descendants will fight over for generations.

You may only know Avocado as the bougie organic mattress company of dreams, but it also makes a mean maple wood bed frame for porking. "[This is] beautifully built, great quality!," writes one reviewer of the 4-star average rated frame, "[It's] very sturdy, [and] doesn't not creak. Straightforward enough to assemble (with two people)."

Look, bed frames are generally an expensive investment piece, which is fair considering they (literally) support our spines and minds for the (approximate) one-third of our life spent in night-night time. But there are some strong, cheap(ish) bed frames out there that won't creak and rattle during sex. I’m the proud owner of this bestselling Zinus bed frame, which has earned a 4.7-star average rating from over 23,600 reviews praising how easy it is to put together, and how expensive it looks. I can personally attest to both of these points, and underline how idiot-proof assembly is (I still have trouble with my roommate's can opener). There is zero creakage in my life now, plus zero sliding now that I placed these furniture grippers underneath.

Never heard of the brand Red Barrel Studio? Welcome. Not only does it sound like the place where you pick up your log ride photos at Knott's Berry Farm (hard smash), but it makes one of the most affordable headboard-endowed bed frames out there. Crowned the "Sawiris," the bed frame has earned a 4.7-star average rating from over 3,200 reviews on Wayfair, with many praising how easy it is to assemble. As one fan writes, it's just "[a] super sturdy and beautiful bed." Cop it while it's 36% off.

Red Barrel also comes in clutch with a headboard-less frame that has a 4.8-star average rating from over 6,600 reviews, including one Wayfair customer who writes, "Good quality. Basic and sturdy. No more creaking, which is what we needed, if you know what I mean!)." That we do, jabroni.

No-slide furniture grippers aren't a must for everyone, but they’ve proven to be really helpful for keeping my bed frame in place as I’m getting wheelbarrowed around. Plus, if you’re a renter, you’ll avoid scuffing up the floors.

Now go forth, and smash.

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.

By signing up, you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy & to receive electronic communications from Vice Media Group, which may include marketing promotions, advertisements and sponsored content.